Johnny Cueto broke A.J. Pollock’s right hand

Sweet baby Jesus.


Some unfortunate news here for the Diamondbacks.

As relayed by Jack Magruder of FOX Sports Arizona, center fielder and primary leadoff man A.J. Pollock suffered a fractured fourth metacarpal on his right hand Saturday when he was struck by a pitch from Reds starter Johnny Cueto. He’ll be placed on the disabled list and may need surgery. D’Backs second baseman Aaron Hill missed eight weeks last year with a similar injury, for an idea on time frame.

Pollock, a dynamic 26-year-old, was batting .316/.366/.554 with six home runs and eight stolen bases in 52 games this season for the Snakes. He was the 17th overall pick in the 2009 MLB Amateur Draft.

Arizona enters play Sunday with a 14-game deficit in the National League West standings. has video of the pitch that broke Pollock’s hand on Saturday night.

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Josh Collmenter Faced the Minimum Against the Reds in CG Shutout

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Faced the minimuuuuum!!!!

Oh, hells yes. Last Arizona Diamondback to do that? Oh just Randy Johnson, perfect game, whatevs. Go on ‘head Josh Collmenter.

You did the damn thing.

Paul Goldschmidt almost hit his own face with a monster homer


Diamondbacks first baseman Paul Goldschmidt blasted a mammoth 470-foot home run to straightaway center field last night against the Padres for the fourth-longest bomb in baseball this season and in doing so he damn near hit his own picture on the Chase Field scoreboard:

I love the shot of Gerardo Parra’s reaction in the dugout, like “OOF.”

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Chase Field Is All Kinds of Cheap

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Attending a professional baseball game can be spendy. Tickets, parking, overpriced hot dogs, beer, the beer-induced desire for those big foam fingers…it adds up. Luckily, the Arizona Diamondbacks lead the league in value. CNN Money shows how many nitrites/sulfites $20 will get you at a game, and Chase Field has the lowest Team Marketing Report Fan Cost Index® in MLB once again this year. Huzzah! Not only do these numbers indicate that I might be able to catch quite a few 2014 games in person, but it means that in a recent disagreement with a friend about which ballpark is least expensive, I was right. Not gonna lie; it feels pretty good. And winning petty arguments against friends (a Padres fan no less) and hanging it over their heads endlessly is what life’s really about, right?

I Told You So (Stephen Colbert)

This season is all about small victories. Well, obviously, since it sure isn’t about the big ones. So, yay Chase Field! Baseball, cheap(ish) brewskies, air conditioning and a pool? I’d be lying if I said I’ve never fantasized about moving in, all From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler-style. The only thing stopping me:
Legends Race
Oh man. These guys are terrifying for some reason. Weirdly, my two year old nephew loved them. They walked by right after the Legends Race and he was frozen in awe, then looked up and signed “more”. Please tell me I’m not the only one that can’t handle these big-headed creatures up close? It’s just…too much, Randy Johnson especially. Must be the ‘stache.
Lincoln.gifIt haunts me.

AJ Pollock’s First Career Walk-Off Home Run

AJ Pollock homers himself into a bottled water bath, a bubble gum shower and a strange dirt massage from Martin Prado and Cliff Pennington. Weird home plate celebrations aside, Monday’s walk-off win means that the Diamondbacks could find themselves only half a game behind the Padres by the end of the series. Earning the sweep would also bring the D-Back home record to 9-18. Gotta dream big!


Dodgers v. D-Backs Preview, & The Most Random Ballpark Promo This Season (So Far)

Diamondbacks v. Dodgers and the big Chase Field promotion is Elvis Night.

Every time I think about how random this ballpark promotion is, I look about as confused and morose as Zack Greinke does in his roster photo.

Greink You’re so much prettier when you smile, dear.

Wade Miley is on the mound tonight, with Chase Anderson making his home debut tomorrow against Clayton Kershaw. By the way, do MLB teams use roster photos as a guide to decide probable starting pitchers, and match them up based on opposite facial expressions?

Exhibit A, the aforementioned Grumpy Greinke vs. Wade cheesin’:

He’s just being Miley.

Exhibit B, Anderson waiting patiently at the DMV vs. Kershaw’s gassy infant look:

Exhibit C, Dan Haren’s frat-boy hangover vs. Josh Collmenter’s defiantly dignified mugshot:

Interesting how expressive these guys are, you know, for soulless Dodgers. Speaking of which, there has been relatively little drama between the West Coast rivals as of late. With the advent of instant replay minimizing umpire confrontations to snooze-worthy levels, it’s safe to say that fans might be itching for some fisticuffs.

Cutest Fight Ever

Predictions: Puig Bat Flip (patent pending), Miguel Montero gets hit-by-pitch, Arizona Diamondbacks broadcaster Bob Brenly makes a million bad Elvis jokes and I get a migraine from eye-rolling.

Chris Owings Is Chris Pwning Right Now, and Other D-Buzz

Finally, some good news for the Arizona Diamondbacks! Chris Owings was named the National League Rookie of the Month for April. Atta boy! The D-Backs (minus the demoted Bolsinger) will continue on their road trip to Chicago and face the American League Rookie of the Month, Jose Abreu, and the rest of the White Sox later this week. In the meantime, I anxiously await the opportunity to dub a noteworthy performance by Ender Inciarte as “Ender’s Game”. If you’re reading this Inciarte (and really, why wouldn’t he be?) consider that a challenge, sir.

Some time in the near future (read: after finals week) I hope to write a more in-depth review of the MLB At Bat mobile app, but for now it is only necessary to mention the worst part of said app for D-backs fans, which is Greg Schulte. So he’s been the Diamondbacks radio broadcaster since their inaugural season, big whoop. So he’s technically “good” at doing the play-by-play. Fine, whatever. But as someone whose starving student budget does not allow them the luxury of cable television and is therefore dependent on MLB At Bat’s live streaming radio broadcasts for most of their baseball consumption, Schulte’s obvious dislike of the team is too much to handle.

Don’t get me wrong, under more favorable circumstances I find his creative use of sabermetric shaming to be mildly charming. Sadly, there is no shortage of embarrassing Diamondback statistics right now and Greg Schulte is only salt in the wound. You mean, the Diamondbacks play poorly at night? When Aaron Hill has a hangnail? The day after their weekly  slumber party, whether they have a séance or play truth-or-dare? You don’t say…

Phoebe Buffet This is Brand New Information Friends This Is Brand New Information!







Perhaps his thinly veiled contempt for the team would be easier to stomache if it weren’t so textbook passive aggressive. Or, you know, if we were winning more games. Either way. Regardless, the mobile app is worth the investment (oops, spoiler alert) and I say that fully aware of the earning potential my so-fancy liberal arts education is likely to yield. Speaking of which, thank God for free tacos.


The Real Reason Why The Arizona Diamondbacks Are Losing

Baseball analysts, both the professional and armchair variety, seem to agree that the Diamondbacks roster is missing at least one key element. Some say the bullpen is to blame, while others cite starting pitchers as the problem. Meanwhile, fans are still stewing over the Adam Eaton trade as if it were a bad breakup, masochistically stalking his 2014 stats like an ex’s Facebook account.

Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, I can’t help but feel that there has to be some other origin to the D-Backs’ disheartening performance this season. There must be powerful, perhaps mystical forces at work to create such a clusterfudge. I imagine it as a classic “butterfly effect” situation, wherein a seemingly harmless action triggers a series of events that ultimately lead to the team’s undoing. Example:

  • Restless during his stay on the DL, Cody Ross discovers Pinterest as a way to pass the time.
  • Considerate teammate that he is, Ross brings batches of slutty brownies, man-whore bars and red velvet puppy chow to everyone on the regular.
  • Self-conscious about their newly acquired vanity pounds, distracted D-Backs players quickly rack up error after fielding error while daydreaming about more flattering batting stances.

This theory would also explain why Aaron Hill and Eric Chavez were in such a hurry to get home while playing the Colorado Rockies on Tuesday. I assume they both had casseroles burning in the oven since there was only one out, the winning run was on base in the bottom of the ninth and yet they saw just a pitch each to end the game. Best advice to the D-Backs going forward? Try out your Pin’d recipes on off-days.